The Infinitely Improbable Spaceship - The Heart of Gold

Words: Scott Blackburn

Composed to: John Lee Hooker - The Real Folk Blues

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Built in secret on Damogran by a design team headed by Neil Young and featuring a super-intelligent shade of the colour blue, the Heart of Gold is perhaps the best vessel for anyone looking for a spontaneous getaway.

The Heart of Gold is the first ship to have made use of the Infinite Improbability Drive whose claim to fame is that it was once stolen by the then president, Zaphod Beeblebrox. In its original form, the spaceship was long and sleek, like a running shoe.

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However, courtesy of its infinitely improbable nature, it changed shape a fair few times. In Beeblebrox's time, the ship took an almost teapot-esque shape. Inside, there are plenty of gadgets to keep you amused too.

A machine which dispenses Babel Fish will ensure you never have to struggle with interplanetary communications, a lemon juicer means you can have lemon juice I guess, and one of the best features is a knife which cuts bread into toast.

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A less happy feature of the Heart of Gold is its on-board sentient robot, Marvin. Marvin isn't the happiest soul, and is prone to a the odd grumble, so prone in fact that he once pushed a ship's AI to suicide just by talking to it.

The real selling point here though, apart from instant toast, is the Infinite Improbability Drive. This little golden box at the heart of the Heart of Gold powers up until it reaches infinite improbability, at which point it takes you anywhere and everywhere in the universe, in any form.

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This avoids all the mucking about in hyperspace, and makes every journey something of an adventure. So if you're looking for your next road-trip vehicle, consider the Heart of Gold, though of course you'll have to find it first, it could be anywhere.

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