A motorcycle so advanced it's not really a motorcycle anymore - The Batpod

Words: Scott Blackburn

Composed to: Rancid - Let's Go


I'm sure we've all had that moment, where you're driving along perfectly happily, bobbing along to the stereo and routinely cursing the never-ending M5 road works when all of a sudden a crazed lunatic in clown make-up fires an RPG at your car. Thankfully none of us ever have to have our days ruined anymore, Wayne Enterprises have a solution. It comes in the form of an escape pod turned motorcycle.


Originally used by the famous pointy-eared Gotham vigilante, Batman, the 'Batpod' is the high tech answer to everyone's clown-related bothers. Built into the Tumbler Batmobile the beefy motorcycle is designed to eject from the vehicle if it becomes damaged or you just fancy taking it for a spin really.


In the case of Batman's model the Batpod comes with dual front-mounted cannons, machine guns, and grappling hooks. The grappling hooks are what Batman used to rid himself of his personal clown pest. The construction of the motorcycle however is where you begin to wonder whether it's a bike at all or whether it sits in its own category.


Instead of having an engine mounted in the frame powering the rear wheel, as with a conventional motorcycle, the Batpod has an engine mounted within each wheel. Each engine is responsible for its host wheel and the two are carefully synchronised to ensure a smooth ride. The other thing that makes the AWD motorcycle a little unique is the handlebars, which aren't really handlebars.


In the place of conventional bars are arm guards which cover the user's entire forearm. With their arms inside these the rider then controls the bike mostly through the use of bodyweight and just leaning. This is made easier by the fact that the rider is also prone onto the bike with their legs spread at around a 30˚ angle. Just in case you come to a corner you don't think you'll manage the wheels can also rotate at a 90˚ angle to the frame to allow you to essentially crab-walk round a corner.


Ultimately then the Batpod is the ideal solution to your clown-busting issues and may well come in handy with its almost impossibly manoeuvrability and usefully lethal arsenal. The only thing you need to look into now I guess is whether Wayne Enterprises would be so kind as to build one into the front of your Peugeot.