Clad in Electric Mucus - Old Bessie

Words: Scott Blackburn Artwork: Unknown

Composed to: Dead Kennedys - Bedtime for Democracy


Not only can this craft detect elephants, but it even has two settings on its elephant detector. This marvel of technological convenience and weirdness is the Planet Express Ship, otherwise known by its creator, Professor Farnsworth, as Old Bessie.

Painted in alluring 'electric mucus', Old Bessie is a mobile arsenal of high tech brilliance. The ship itself, unlike most ships, does not move. It remains stationary, using a dark matter accelerator to move the universe around it. The necessary dark matter is drawn from the deceptively cute Nibbler.


Heavily armoured, Old Bessie carries a laser cannon, two torpedo tubes and more than her fair share of armour. Able to fend off missiles for hours while in flight, she has been proven to be oddly susceptible to rocks and the like while parked.

The interesting quirks and features don't end there though. The aforementioned elephant detector allows for the detection of trunk-ed things in wither 'large' or 'wooly' forms. As if that wasn't enough, Old Bessie also comes equipped with cup holders, a giraffe net, a lion den and windscreen wipers.


Packing everything the interstellar traveller could need, Old Bessie also has her own personality. Prior to her ... transformation, Old Bessie used to be a little more masculine, however this led to a few too many confrontations with Bender, so she was reprogrammed.

Her personality has since been shut off altogether, but the gender shift led to a romance with Bender. So, if you can tear the old girl away from her protective creator and an enamoured, drunken robot, Old Bessie would make the perfect travelling vessel, in all her mucus-y glory.