The most dangerous collection of scrap in Earth dimension C-137

Words: Scott Blackburn

Composed to: Black Flag - Slip It In

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Most people would look at two dustbins and go "there's no way they'd  make it into space" (as normal people do when they look at their bin), most people would be right. One certain mad scientist might beg to differ however. Rick Sanchez found a way to build a functioning, intelligent and highly dangerous spacecraft out of crap. He even managed to power it renewably, though the morality behind it could be described as "slavery with extra steps."

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What Mr. Sanchez calls his Space Cruiser is definitely something worth a look over, even if it might not be for everyone, not sure NASA will be interested anytime soon. The renewable power mentioned before is quite brilliant, if you approach it as he does with no morality. The power is drawn from a Microverse Battery, an invention of his own. This battery is essentially the housing for a tiny world of sentient microorganisms, who have been tricked by Rick into producing energy for him, endlessly.

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While perhaps objectively brilliant it leaves a lot to be desired in terms of not enslaving an entire species, it did also temporarily go wrong once too. A scientist within the microverse developed a Miniverse Battery, a universe within a universe where another species were tricked into creating energy for the next one. This meant Rick's creatures stopped producing energy for him and his Cruiser essentially broke down.

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As well as an...inventive power source, the Space Cruiser comes loaded with a hidden arsenal of cruel weapons and an onboard AI, just as worryingly nihilistic as Sanchez. As a demonstration of what the Cruiser can do, at the same time Rick and his grandson, Morty, travelled inside the Microverse Battery to sort out  the occupants, Rick tasked the Cruiser with protecting his granddaughter, Summer.

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In the process of doing so the Cruiser by its own volition cubed a man, paralysed another and then mentally tormented a police officer with a melting vision of his dead child. That being said it did then also negotiate a peace between humans and the race of giant telepathic spiders that happened to live in that dimension. So not all bad I guess.

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All in all the Space Cruiser is a very mixed creation, capable of incredible destruction and run on slavery but also highly intelligent and surprisingly environmentally friendly. Still, like I said I don't think NASA will be interested anytime soon, not sure they could afford the embarrassment of one of their spacecrafts dissecting people on the launch pad.